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Dear Kelli – returning to this post of yours after today’s Office Hour, I’m going to love on you a bit … but I’ll hopefully titrate it such that you can receive it … because I really do want you to feel the love I have in my heart as I sit with your share.
Thank you for your generosity, for having the courage to take your space, and for not only offering us such a deep part of your soul but also for demonstrating so beautifully through your words how the process of coming to prima materia can look.
I love that you refer to “this little inner ghost.” In my experience, these parts are like ghosts, our personal hauntings, often ancestral, hidden and yet they have a life of their own … sometimes their life dominates our lived experience from a deeply unconscious place. As we make space to get conscious to these ghosts, their form changes, they take on more embodiment, they stand up straight and look us in the eye. And they have so much to offer us, to teach us.
It is never easy to get to our prima materia. If it’s easy, we’re probably not being entirely honest with ourselves. Lorie writes in The Alchemy of Inner Work, “Take a look at your life and consider what you would most like to get rid of. Here is where you will find it … The prima materia is the raw material of change.” And this raw material has the power to leave us feeling raw as we grapple with it.
I admire how you took your time, allowed yourself to sit quietly and still, waiting for this ghost to appear. And then, how your work with the Black Spruce oil led you to your tears, and then you write, “Of course I did not want to, but I stayed with the feeling , the sensing, and after a while, I found this little shivering curled up creature lodged way up under my breastbone, beneath my right collar bone, as if it was the furthest corner it could go to hide.” That image conjures so much compassion. Beautiful, beautiful inner work.
I can feel how your just naming this piece of prima materia is already shifting some awareness in you about your receptivity … how that operates in you, how you relate to it, the ways that you want to open to it more … gently, slowly, cautiously, with care.
There is so much that you share about your time in your mother’s womb and your childhood that resonates with my own experience. Reading your words helps me to make contact with some of my own ghost parts, so thank you.
And … I am not a coffee drinker … but we have this little porcelain cup and saucer that Lorie brings to me some mornings … my little mini coffee portion, really hot … and when she does I feel so incredibly loved. I smile in thinking about your girlfriend doing that for you, too!
Thank you, Kelli. I look forward to supporting you and witnessing how this prima materia transforms as we continue our work together. ❤️