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Taking in your share here, Angela. The first thing i want to say is that, like Benjamin, I feel that you have done a beautiful job of distilling a complex of issues down to core essence. This distillation is actually an alchemical process in itself and functions as an initial catalyst of transformation.
I am also moved by the further distillation in your second post:
If I can take the first response of self doubt away and get to the body felt sense of abandonment I believe I can be my authentic self and handle the abandonment part if that is what happens.
This feels like you are really “getting at it” and have a very good chunk of prima material to work with this year, or at least for the first months of the mentorship. Recognizing and then moving beyond the first response of self-doubt is key. Then, staying focused the felt sense of the abandonment, caring about it as if you are “sitting next to a friend who is having a hard time,” rather than identifying with it, will allow you to understand more about it and know what is needed to support transformation.
Take some time to get to know the experience of abandonment. Some questions that come to me:
What color is the body felt sense of abandonment? Where does it live in your body? What is its weight / shape? How old is it?
In this way, the part of you that carries the abandonment experience will NO LONGER FEEL ABANDONED because you are connecting with it.
I suggest journaling on this as well as watching your dreams. And keep us posted as insights arise.
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