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There is so much in your share here, Rebecca, many levels of healing underway.
First I want to acknowledge your courage in being willing to share the details of your ancestral lineage: being a descendent of “owning class in Baltimore.” I have come to believe that our healing – personally as well as collectively – depends on our addressing our epigenetic memories – legacies of trauma as well as resilience – that we have inherited from our ancestors. No matter what place our ancestors held on the “slave ship,” we are all untangling the strangle hold of racism and healing from the atrocities of colonialism. But from your share, I get that your family has paid a very high price for the class priviledge they once enjoyed. I am grateful to know that you have found a way to move beyond the depression, self-destructiveness and despair and are fully engaged in healing for yourself and for others.
One things that strikes me is the phrase you used to talk about your PM:
“When I go to speak, I can’t say it with any ownership or authority.”
I find myself wondering if there is an interim process of self-forgiveness, a kind of prayer that needs to be said or ritual that needs to be done, so that you can take on that ownership and authority, knowing that you will be using the well-earned authority of your voice in service of healing and transformation rather than subjugation.
I am interested in continuing this exploration with you, particularly as you move beyond the self-doubt and find a place of trust in your own voice and wisdom.
I also believe that our voices are liberated through a process of speaking our authentic truth, letting who we actually are be “seen.” I feel that you have already taken a significant step in that direction with this writing.
I will be interested in hearing a follow-up once you have met with your Lab Group. Meanwhile, thank you for this introduction that helps me get to know you and opens a door to deeper work.