Reply To: Not enough. What if they find out?

[benjamin@anewpossibility.com]

Yes, Stephanie, I want to echo Lorie’s thanks for your writing, and for sharing your Scorpionic capacity to penetrate your own psyche so astutely. It makes great sense that there would be a tendency to hide who you truly are given your Sun/Pluto conjunction, and in Scorpio, and in the 8th. I can only imagine there were innate dimensions to who you are that were not easily or comfortably accepted, mirrored, cherished in your early childhood home. So many adults don’t want to face the raw truth that a child with that Sun/Pluto configuration is sure to possess.

And then your Moon in Virgo, south node in Virgo, would speak to a tendency to work and responsibility, and to being unduly harsh with yourself, or even self-critical.

As I was reading what you’ve so generously shared, I found myself profoundly curious about who it is that you <i style=”font-weight: bold;”>really are. What is so repulsive about the young girl in ballet class? Is it her thoughts? Her fantasies? Her darkness? Being who I am, I want to know the particular shape of her darkness. But more interestingly, what are the riches she holds from deep within that darkness (I trust you know the etymology of Pluto is God of wealth or riches, thus riches from the Underworld.)? You don’t have to answer, but I welcome you to if it’s helpful to your process.

I am also curious about what possibilities exist for you as you pause at this crossroads and consider where to put your energy in terms of your work once you do decide to resume your career, assuming you will. Is a vision forming?

It’s actually refreshing to me to hear you describe the way you respond to the burnout in your life – the emotions, the reactivity, the tension, the drinking to cope. Not that I want to support you in perpetuating these ways of being, but there is something so liberating about simply admitting our humanity … letting it be seen. Each of us has our own version, and our only hope of finding more healthy ways of navigating these energies is to be honest about them. That in itself is very much a Sun/Pluto/Scorpio/8th house strategy … ultimately laying the ground for transformation.

Thanks, Stephanie. I look forward to continuing this work with you.