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Dear Amy, I am chiming in here with a few reflections of my own to add to the wonderful responses from Benjamin, Lauren and Daniel that have already come in to your potent share.
Taking in the distillation of your prima materia:
I want to transform the negative beliefs I have about myself and others that resulted from coping strategies and belief systems set in place by childhood abuse, and discover my strength, power, and worth as a woman and as a practitioner.
I really get the depth of commitment you have already made to your inner work, that much has already healed and changed, and yet there are lingering beliefs and habitual neuro-emotional response patterns that are getting in the way of you extending your radiance out into the world in as full a way as possible.
I appreciate how you have explicitly mentioned not only the negative beliefs that you have about yourself but also how your traumatic childhood experiences have resulted in embedded assumptions about how others are going to view and respond to you. I get that you are in the process of untangling this intertwining web of projections so that you can step beyond the isolation and enter into real, immediate relationship to yourself and others. This is indeed big and transformative work … I think of bringing the Small Intestine on board to support the Heart in knowing what is true and what is not, who actually has the right to enter the sacred space of your being. In this way, you come into community with a larger field of healing energies.
From this place, I belief you move towards a liberation from antiquated, limiting belief systems and step into your rightful place as an empowered wise woman and healer.
I will say that I have a special interest in this third aspect of your prima materia: discovering your strength, power, and worth as a practitioner … having been one of your teachers when you first stepped into this medicine, I am honored to continue that project now as you engage in the inner work that will further empower your healing capacities.
A big BRAVO! to this closing line of your initial post:
I cannot WAIT to transform this into its gold and begin living free from it, to discover who I really am, and to live my life from THAT place in myself instead – from truth, authenticity, safety with wisdom, and empowerment.
These words have the clarity and strength of your “authentic self” – full of radiant FIRE that blossoms freely from your compassionate heart!