• Vicki Rivard

    March 8, 2022 at 6:01 pm

    Wowwwwww! Powerful stuff, Lauren. Look at the magical shift you triggered/supported! This is beautiful.

    I, too, gave birth to a sleeping baby – baby Gabriel. One of the things that helped me the most, in the days following his birth/death, was creating a little altar for him in my bedroom. There was a candle, his ultrasound photo, a book (It’s Time to Sleep, My Love by Nancy Tillman), a baby blanket, flowers, gemstones, etc. I cocooned myself in my bedroom, with this altar, for a long time – talking to him, reading to him, singing to him. I let the grief (which at first felt insurmountable) flow through every hollow part of me. In time, the grief (magically) turned to gratitude and I found myself thanking him for choosing me to be his mama, if only for a very, very short time.

    Those days, in that room, with that altar, were some of the most raw, human, sacred, precious transformative days of my life.

    As a Death Doula, I have suggested the altar ritual to a number of grieving clients and the response is almost always the same: “I didn’t know if I wanted to do it / I did it / I’m so glad I did.” It could be something you suggest to your patient, if the jaw pain / other symptoms linger.