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Lorie, thank you for your words and for taking in what I have shared. Sharing this deeply has already been transformative for me and the alchemy is certainly well underway. I love your flower essence suggestions. I’ve ordered Inner Knowing and can’t wait to start experiencing it! Sunflower does beckon, and I understand why you thought of it. Despite some limited exposure I don’t have much experience personally with flower essence medicine. But intuitively I can feel the call of Sunflower…and yet, when I followed your link I found myself drawn in by the description of Baby Blue Eyes as a precursor – maybe a Spring support – to using Sunflower. Do you know this flower? From the FES website:
“The quality of “positive vulnerability”—of being able to receive and trust a father or similar masculine presence who provides protection, strength and guidance—is a quality that is sadly damaged, distorted or otherwise deficient in so many familial and cultural experiences of childhood and youth. It is a wound that harms not only our social capacities, but also our spiritual ability to trust in higher guidance and protection (connection with the Heavenly Father).” This description fits like a puzzle piece in my heart in this moment. It really speaks to the trust aspect that moves through my Prima Materia. Another aspect of my backstory that plays in around this damage from the Church and patriarchal/father roles is that I found out as a young adult that my own father was sexually abused for years by the very priest who acted as a third father and spiritual guide for me when growing up. (I know, my family story reads like an f’d up, overly dramatic movie sometimes. You can’t make this stuff up!).
Recently in meditation the image of the The Horned God Divine masculine representation came in while I was exploring a feeling of emptiness on my right side. I feel I’m in a process of gently opening to the possibility of masculine support that I can trust – in the world, in myself, and on a spiritually healing level. I was guided then to create an essential oil blend of Nutmeg, Roman Camomile and Sandalwood with a tiny touch of Lavender that represents to me the possibility of a more relatively masculine support that I can lean into and trust. I think that, along with Baby Blue Eyes and Inner Knowing, through the Spring will support this integration. And I think Sunflower waits for me on the other side of this integration to welcome me into Summer.
Thank you for your care and support. So happy to be on this journey with you and anticipate many years of it to come 🙂