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19 maart 2022 Follow up on Ellens Prima Materia
I wrote the text below via the artist way (Julie Cameron). I do this at times when it’s a bit of a mess in my head. Put your pen on a piece of paper and start writing within a set time. Even (or just) if you don’t know what to write, you just write: I don’t know what to write, 10,000 times in a row and eventually something happens.
I wrote it in Dutch and then went through google translate, so I hope that google translate has understood me a bit and that it is also readable for you. I didn’t want to edit it too much. (because then my brains start working again)
Here it comes:
The day after the transformative full moon of March 18, 2022. I envision a marathon, the marathon we all run. In the same direction together, as hard as possible to be the first to reach the finish line and be successful because then you are the best and everyone wants to carry you on their shoulders. The ones that are left behind are the weaker ones, they haven’t trained well, they don’t have willpower. They are advised to get better, train more, whine less because they are not good enough. In society as a marathon, the weaker ones are the ones who can’t adapt and get a DSM diagnosis and pills so they can keep up, fit into the expectations of most. Running fast, achieving a lot, being the best, there’s just way too much yang in the world. I’ve been the one running behind since my puberty slowly, I observe, I think it’s nonsense, I don’t want to go straight to the goal. I want to look around me because there is so much beauty in the world. I look at the crowds with pity and wonder: what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! I look around and see people getting exhausted. I look around and think: I don’t want this, I don’t want to participate in this. I get out of the line and follow a different path and it’s lonely and uncertain. But adapting to the herd also makes me insecure and especially very tired. I still feel lonely and insecure, but I am satisfied with myself.
I have been at home with corona for the past two weeks. Not being able to participate in the rat race of life, I enjoyed it. The imposed rest, feeling my body that is sick and says stop. It has made my head clear. It was also difficult because the ‘duty calls’ and by rejecting people and people’s requests I feel like I’m letting them down. Those requests, chores that were offered, my head said: do, that’s good for you, that’s good for your network, your contacts. I felt burdened to say no. That feeling is in the head, probably it is not even a feeling. My inner feeling cried out from the depths of my being: don’t do it, don’t do it! And then I just got a request from a good friend. Let go , 2 weeks Las Vega and surroundings. In a split second I said yes and two hours later I had booked. Everything in me said Yes! except for my head, because it’s not really wise to do, and financially it can’t really spend so much money to just to have fun and so on and so forth. But I’m going and I’ve also bought a new backpack and I’m intensely happy, all my energy flows again.
I want to write something about how we all want to be seen, heard and recognized for who we are. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the only real universal prima materia. See me, feel me, hear me for who I am. Knowing that everyone has the same desire that is why I am always looking for the good, search for the real person behind the outside look. Everyone is good. No bad people are born, bad people are made by life. Society destroys them, all people are essentially good and can be healed again. That is my deepest conviction. Shiatsu and the Tao taught me how relatively simple that is, and at the same time so terribly complicated.
Are there no people who annoy me? Yes, sure , the prime minister of the Netherlands. My feelings for him come close to disgust, but he also isn’t really a bad guy. He just privileged and doesn’t understand the real world. He is the white privileged man, the 7 ticks man: (1) white, (2) highly educated (3) heterosexual, (4) civilized Dutch speaking, (5) straight man who lives in an (6) elite neighborhood and whose (7) parents are also highly educated. The man who is miles ahead of the rest of society, and has no idea what is really going on in society but is allowed to make important decisions on my everyday living. Is this the archetype that annoys me, or is this just stereotype? They annoy me because they don’t know humility, think that the world is at their feet and that they have achieved it themselves. but that is not the case because they are the sons of the fathers who have exploited capitalism. Not a self-made man but a son lying on his easy chair who is given everything by his fathers. Okay, this is a stereotype but they do exist and are in many high positions in business and politics. These sons are so pampered, they are loved and well cared for and apparently if you are always be seen you lose the need or the ability to see the other people around for what they really are. This non-traumatized white male is our Prime Minister and he makes me angry. (I know there are a lot of traumatized white male but that’s an other complicated story).
By the way, I think we should stop speaking in terms of man/woman, black/white, lower/higher class and so on. That balance is different for everyone, there is no uniform sausage. Yin and Yang are such a great concepts to use for the balance in every person, man/woman and everything in between. Balance is a verb. For example I am very happy with all the people who no longer define themselves in terms of he or she. I think of it it as a development that life on this planet needs. In essence we’re not very different from the fish that change gender whenever the balance is lacking in their group.
Too much yang, lack of yin, that’s my theme this year apparently. The more light we shine, the more blinding everything becomes. It is the diamonds that shines the most in the deep dark when a small light shines on them. I also always wonder why all the people in the world, or at least the one I know, love a campfire so much and I think that’s because here the yin and yang are in balance. There is warmth and is light, there is an opportunity to withdraw, to talk softly with the person next to you, to sing a song together, and to be still and stare at the stars and to dance, laughter out loud. I guess I’m looking for a daily campfire at the end of the day, or at least at the end of my life.