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MemberMarch 19, 2022 at 5:54 pm
Thank you for taking the time to come back with such a detailed and personal response.
It’s a whole other layer of courage to invite others to share in what your mirror is reflecting while you’re in mid-process. This has been a theme for me and I wonder if you can relate. I’m pretty dedicated and self-reliant when it comes to figuring out my stuff but I used to only share once I had it all figured out and tied up neatly in a bow, the messy bits tucked in and resolved.
-Yes, this is relatively new for me as well. I too have wanted to get things clear and I think tightened up as to present them to the world AFTER I had done what I believed to be enough to remedy or integrate the thing in process. Literally right now, that is not what I am doing and I am allowing trusted people to help guide me along the stream of experience with it all. More vulnerable for sure but more reassuring that I am on the path that is shared by those whom I want to walk it with.
The thing that strikes me most about your writing is the connection between this place of self-examination and the desire for freedom. I want to acknowledge what sounds, to me, like a painful and contractive process in checking yourself in all the places you communicate. It’s painful and isolating to feel misunderstood, and that sucks. I wonder how much that energy of self-checking feels like self-censorship and crystalizes the desire for freedom?
-This is an astute observation. However, the stance I have taken is that whatever has come up in this process and significant life circumstances at the moment are here for me to work with at this very moment. Therefore while I can see that there may be a seemingly dichotomous stance that one would certainly feel as if were restricting them, me in this case, I take it as the guide point for what seems to be a crossroads. That yes, censoring oneself can definitely feel limiting and the pursuit of freedom would be the right medicine. BUT, I do not feel the pain of such an observational state. It is more of a coiling for later defragmentalization (hopefully that is a word lol). You and I both love to talk, but when I do not talk, I can be a much better observer and I can channel that energy of sharing into other areas that I can use for other perception. Therefore I can use mindfulness to be more present knowing I will at some point work it out. I did not come to this overnight. It has taken time and practice when it has been least comfortable. But that is where the work is and when I think I am most proud of that ability. To your statement, I would have asked me the same thing!
I’m struck by the dynamic between personal freedom and freedom that is more inclusive, far reaching and, as you say, inspires the same in others. That more wide and far reaching freedom may be one that tempers personal expressions of freedom sometimes for the good of the whole.
-Wonderful observational point and I am thrilled to get a philosophical themed viewpoint from you. Since you asked for my thoughts I will oblige and I hope to hear yours as well. To your thought… The point hinges around the definition of freedom itself from my perspective. In this country and perhaps the Western view as a whole, we have the idea of ‘Freedom from’. IE freedom from tyranny, overreaching rules, etc. This is juxtaposed to another side of freedom, ‘Freedom to’. IE freedom to express oneself, live as they see fit, (this assumes though that the way one sees freedom is not in a direct contradiction to someone else’s freedom), or believe as they choose, etc. While both of these positions are valid and what I see as the relative Yin and Yang of this idea I actually am not referring to either. The freedom I am referring to is more in line with some of the Spiritual traditions. Some similar words that are ascribed to this are Moksha, Shunyata and the like. The paradigm is different. What I experienced briefly this week was freedom from appearance. That things are relative. This is a much longer discussion but in short, this freedom is not one of negation of limitation but of releasing what is already unbound. The hope then for me, is to embody not simply that idea as an abstract teaching to think about or talk with like-minded bongo players at a drum circles (which I love btw) but as an embodied, unfolding and experiential process that can be communicated in ways not limited to words but through presence. Thus, freedom from description. Freedom from the need to even do it and the freedom to have the choice. I am about 7 days into this so the breadth and depth will likely evolve as we move forward. But I am grateful for you bringing this out of me as you know this mid-process sharing is kind of raw and almost embarrassing… But also helpful.