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Dear Cara,
Here you are. 🙂
I want to say that I see you and the monumental effort it has taken to share yourself so openly and courageously here.
Shame is a heavy darkness that so many of us carry—and expressing it is the first (incredible) step towards unshackling ourselves from it.
The roles we play are, at times, necessary (or perceived as necessary) for our survival until one day (maybe today) we realize they are no longer useful—and that’s when the journey back to Truth begins.
I have found the tools presented in Lorie and Benjamin’s teachings and books to be incredibly effective in helping us tap into Soul (ours and everybody else’s). As we remember Soul, we no longer care so much about Role(s), and isn’t that the ultimate magic?!
The sharp, cramping, burning sensation in your stomach area makes me want to ask the following question: What life experience are you having trouble “stomaching”? Is it the reliance on alcohol/cannabis and the shame around that? Is it many things all at once?
I think a curious and tender exploration of this “burning stomach” might lead you somewhere important—and might present you with new ideas of how to digest/assimilate/eliminate what needs to be fully felt, and then released.
I celebrate your alchemical adventure, Cara, and I am deep in it with you!
Thank you.