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Lauren – a deep bow of gratitude to you for this post. I’ve been flailing emotionally, too, since hearing the news last night of the massacre at the Texas elementary school. So many feelings … rage right up there with devastation and such a profound grief. I can’t even imagine the levels of trauma that community is facing, the kids who survived but were in the classroom, the parents and families of the people whose lives were taken. We will all be asked to hold space. Join me this Sunday at 11 am Eastern if you can for the ‘How Is It With Your Soul?’ session … I will make and hold space for those present to share from our hearts in response to this event.
Regarding your other questions. A resounding YES … I do sometimes get so tired of the work. Just last week, I hit such a wall. I won’t go into the particulars, but I came to a place where I knew I simply needed to cancel my client sessions for the week. My cup was empty and there were all kinds of external and family demands that I was navigating.
I felt a bit like I was in free fall when I actually took action to make the cancellations. My whole identity as the one who holds space, the one who is dutiful, the one who maintains a steady center, the one who is useful to others … poof! I didn’t quite know who I was. What I did know is that I needed to just get down on my knees and weed my garden. I did that for an entire day. I moved slowly. I surely ate some sugar. But I kept taking my Chinese herbs, I kept exercising, kept doing qi gong. I listened to my body, to what it needed next, and gave it what it asked for. I didn’t answer emails if I didn’t feel the energy to do so. That’s a big deal for me.
Within a few days I felt my cup filling. This week I’m back to work, but it is different. I’m moving at a slower pace, making more time to not do. As you say so beautifully, I was not lost. I was just experiencing my humanity. And in that humanity, I can trust who I am.
So thanks for doing such an exquisite job of articulating what the prima materia looks like in action. Bingo! And it keeps morphing, evolving, transforming, and we keep tending it … whatever that tending looks like. “Alchemy takes time, like love takes time.”