• Lorie Dechar

    June 1, 2022 at 10:05 am

    Kelli, I too am loving reading about your X-day. What a great new term for a practice so important for all of us to adopt.

    I am also quite struck by the distinction you make between self-soothe and self-care. As I reflect on this distinction, I realize that in a way, we need both care and soothing. And as I sit with the question, what comes to me is that self-care is absolutely essential to our adult self in order for us to resource, to renew, to live into our tao, especially as healers and care-givers to others. My self-care is for me in the present, in the now, for the woman-bodied soul being who has inhabited these bones, muscles, flesh and blood for seventy years of Earth time.

    Self-care for me includes sitting on the rocks and listening to the water, painting clouds, planting seeds, taking a day off to write, playing with my granddaughter, eating lovingly prepared food, getting on my bike and riding hard, having alone time and time with Benjamin (when we are not working 😉)!

    Self-soothing is what I do for my young parts, especially for my little one who gets upset and re-traumatized by unexpected change, unbearable news in the outer world, difficult family conversations, stormy emotions. In order to feel safe again, “she” needs “me” to soothe her. Sometimes that means watching a silly movie, reading a good mystery, playing ball with the cat, having cookies and tea, playing with friends (Benjamin, Diana aka our granddaughter, Merlin the kitty, the gold finches in the garden, the lily of the valley fairies or some weird, multi-colored caterpillar crawling along on a leaf).

    The problem comes when I self-soothe in an obsessive way, when rather than consciously caring for my young part, my young part starts running the show, having what others are calling “spiritual / emotional temper tantrums.” The problem is when she runs amok, numbs out or freaks out rather than staying connected to my adult parts who can calm her down as they skillfully navigate the turbulent waters of transformational processes.

    So, thank you Kelli, for noticing this important distinction and sharing it with us all here! I’m grateful and so is “Little Laurey” (that’s how I used to spell my name before I became a rebellious teenager and changed it to Lorie 😍)!