• Lorie Dechar

    June 4, 2022 at 10:49 am

    Rebecca, I am responding here in the group Forum for others’ benefit, despite your having sent me some further details about these two boundary issues by email.

    I do have a feeling that the capacity you found in yourself to “speak up” and take a stand in the face of two simultaneous boundary challenges was supported by the bright, brave, fiery orange soul forces of the Trumpet Vine FE. No problem that you started in Wood season, rather than waiting until Fire. In fact, given the nature of the two people you were dealing with in these encounters, you probably needed the power of the Wood Element in order to stand up to them. Whether or not your responses came off a bit “clumsily,” they were absolutely appropriate and spot on!

    Bravo! and “Hell yes! You stood up for yourself.”

    It is absolutely predictable and natural that you are experiencing some blow-back, shakiness and doubt after such a radical re-organizing of your self structure. That contraction after expansion is part of the oscillating nature of transformational processes that we have been talking about here on the Forums.

    You opened up a big new possibility for yourself in standing up to your tenant regarding the face mask issue and your patient regarding the fee for the missed session without adequate notification. These were necessary and correct responses to boundary violations as well as gestures of self-care. Undoubtedly, this is a new stance for you, and one that challenges some of the old, outmoded ways you learned to survive, particularly by being “accommodating, nice and quiet” rather than speaking up for what is right and truly safe for you. Over time, there will be more ease, although it may never be easy, when you have to establish a “line in the sand” or confront a person who is not respecting your boundary needs.

    After the radical irruption of a new possibility, comes the integration phase. Benjamin’s suggestion to take Rescue Remedy is 👌🏾really good. Also, I encourage you to follow up on your awareness that you now need to officially establish these changes by revamping your policies and written agreements with your patients. In this way, everyone will be on the same page and there will be a sense of over-all integrity around the agreements. But for now, most importan of all, if for you to make a space for the young part of you that got a bit traumatized by these two challenging encounters. Let “Little Rebecca” know the adult Rebecca has her back.

    And then, take a breath and give yourself some time to appreciate the new skills you are learning and the magnitude of what you just did!