[Lucy Lee]

Yes, Let your Shen Shine! I love it Anita. I find myself repeating this mantra and it creates a spark of joy

[Lucy Lee]

Very timely, Love This

[Lucy Lee]

I’ve had various dreams about things I’m packing, forgetting to pack or leaving behind. I often interpret it for myself as being about my “baggage.” What parts of my past am I bringing with me into the future? What parts are going to be useful/not useful? What’s too much or too little?
The emotional content is another strong message perhaps? I often wake with panic from dreams and am curious about it.

[Lucy Lee]

Another layer is emerging as I’ve been delving into the black soil. I was feeling what felt like a long period of negrido after posting. All the voices of negativity and judgement came roaring in so I grappled with those for some time (and still am). In our lab group, I felt safe enough to share a piece that cuts even closer to a vulnerable and tender spot that feeds into my Prima Materia.
I shared how becoming a mother never happened for me and it makes me feel like I don’t belong when so many others share that formative experience of being a parent. It also can make me feel like a failure. I have a great sense that a lot of my block towards my growth came from feeling like I am Not Enough as well as from intergenerational heaviness. These are both a big part of why I never chose the right partners or set myself up to bring a child into this world. There is so much fear that has really stopped me from bringing another life into this world even though others would often comment on how naturally maternal I am.

Now that I have been grieving my own mother’s passing last year, it becomes this complex area. Grieving my mother, grieving the relationship we never had, grieving the children that I never had, the mother I never became (to a whole new layer). I have been working with Barnacle essence which in Pacific Flower Essences is for Abandonment of the Mother and connection to the Divine Feminine. It enters Small Intestine meridian and is a birthing remedy to develop radical trust. I feel things shifting slowly. I have a new practice of connecting with my mother on the other side, now that she is no longer in physical form. It was something that had been presented to me earlier but never resonated until working with Barnacle. There can be a soothing softness instead of the jagged, hard edges when I feel into that particular grief. I can be gentler with myself and mother myself in the ways that I am needing. So instead of only looking backwards and grieving what is not there, I can nourish myself now to grow towards what is possible.

[Lucy Lee]

So I inadvertently took a break from using the Black Spruce as it was out of sight for a couple of days. When I found it and started using it again, my process with the Prima materia picked back up almost instantly and I found myself logging into the forum to catch up/connect. I now see first hand how this group exercise helps to weave us together and keep the process going.

[Lucy Lee]

Thank you Alana for sharing. It is really helpful for me to have examples of how to refine/word this prima materia that we are digging up.

[Lucy Lee]

Yes Anita, ripples in the water is a good way to put it.

For me, it feels as though big wheels have been turning since engaging with this process. I don’t know how else to put it into words or have clear examples yet. It’s both powerful and a bit daunting. Things are brewing in the alchemical stew.

[Lucy Lee]

I also had this same question @Lorianne . I am not seeing complete for the Practice at the Crossroads class or any of the other videos that I watched beforehand. Also, I just did the worksheet for Sun Jan 23 as I didn’t see it earlier. Now it says I must do the quiz before the course evaluation which I thought we could skip if we attended live. Please advise, thanks so much

[Lucy Lee]

Yes, the alchemy is happening — Just like birth, sometimes messy and also so beautiful. Thank you Lorie

[Lucy Lee]

Yes, being gentle is a good way in times of flux like this and I will continue to do so. Thank you for the book suggestion. I will have a look for it.

[Lucy Lee]

thanks Benjamin

[Lucy Lee]

Thanks Lorie. I am looking forward to it as well

[Lucy Lee]

Thanks so much for sharing the Nia resources, Rebecca. After many years break, I’ve been reconnecting with it this week and really enjoying my private living room dance fitness party. Really gets the qi flowing 🙂

[Lucy Lee]

thank you

[Lucy Lee]

Happy birthday Aquarian brother