[Ellen Hommel]

Yes Karla; That if we take every “transaction” as sacred, every exchange as if we were handing each other a precious gemstone.

That is what we need to learn.

I’m so grateful for all of your responses!

What happens after reading this responses is, that I start to struggle with the answers. I get lost in words, thoughts and translations.

Along this mentorship I realize more and more that a culture is also shape by its words. Sometimes Dutch is better in expressing my thought and feelings, sometimes English is way much better. For example I call myself ‘eigenwijs’. It is translated in English as stubborn, but that is not the exact meaning. The first part of the word means things like: your own, characteristic, inborn. The second part ‘wijs’ has three different meanings: wise, a song and a manner of doing. So therefore ‘eigenwijs’’ means: singing your own song, with your own wisdom, doing things on your own way. That’s not stubborn, that come close to the dao or to follow your ming J.

Another example: Belonging is a English word I do love so much, after Brene Brown explained here meaning. There is no way to translate that in Dutch. Or the expression: “It make sense”. It can only translate in Dutch as: that is logical, however sense means way more than logical. In English there are more words like consciousness, awareness, senses. In the Dutch language there is just one and it makes talking about consciousness less specific.

Struggling with words to responds on the responses takes time, although I also do enjoy it. It makes me more aware of what I want to express and what I’m really expressing. My struggle with words manifests in the struggling with what is justice and what is righteous. Justice is a complicated thing because is about the good and the bad. It’s about judging and it’s also about the law. And as we know by no, and especially in the USA these days with the abortion- and gun law, it has nothing to do with righteousness. It all about money and about oppression

Yesterday, I was cleaning my hard drive and this Tao verse 57 pupped-up. It was somewhere hidden in my bunch of old files. This verse said it all. It is exactly what my prima materia at this moment is about: this quest between justice and righteousness and how to cope with it. Not only on the level of states, but on all levels of awareness, consciousness and senses. The external struggle I have with money, politics, the law is also my internal struggle about not-judging. Can I live a life without judging, without desires, in acceptance of all what is and if so how do I do that in this world.

I tried to look for a ‘good’ English translation of verse 57 to share with you. After a while I realized there isn’t a good one, because it’s the Tao and every individual had his own interpretation. Finally I found this podcast were I felt this total feeling of belonging when listening, or maybe you would say: it resonates.

Tao Te Ching Verse 57

When governing a country you must be fair and just;

When fighting a battle, you must use tricks;

When taking over the world, you must practice WuWei.

How do I know everything in this world? This is how.

The more restrictions the government sets, the more people become poor;

The more people have dangerous weapons, the more the country falls into chaos;

The more people become clever, the more bizarre things happen;

The more severe the law becomes, the more thieves there are.

So the great leader said: “if I practice WuWei, the people will govern themselves;

If I am always peaceful, the people will be upright by themselves;

If I do not initiate things for my own purposes, the people will become rich by themselves:

If I do not desires, the people will become simple and plain by themselves”

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1SGKAQt9zyX02aIP8k8bHK?si=de66299e39ef472a

[Ellen Hommel]

Beautiful ❤ 🙏

[Ellen Hommel]

Thank you Anitia for sharing our conversations from the labgroup. I really appreciate our lab group. And as Christine said: in the chaos lies the truth

[Ellen Hommel]

How wonderful to read this. Thank you for this fragile precious process. While reading, I suddenly saw an image of how all the lonely crusaders would gather around a campfire. That would be a very big gathering 🙂

[Ellen Hommel]

19 maart 2022 Follow up on Ellens Prima Materia

I wrote the text below via the artist way (Julie Cameron). I do this at times when it’s a bit of a mess in my head. Put your pen on a piece of paper and start writing within a set time. Even (or just) if you don’t know what to write, you just write: I don’t know what to write, 10,000 times in a row and eventually something happens.

I wrote it in Dutch and then went through google translate, so I hope that google translate has understood me a bit and that it is also readable for you. I didn’t want to edit it too much. (because then my brains start working again)

Here it comes:

The day after the transformative full moon of March 18, 2022. I envision a marathon, the marathon we all run. In the same direction together, as hard as possible to be the first to reach the finish line and be successful because then you are the best and everyone wants to carry you on their shoulders. The ones that are left behind are the weaker ones, they haven’t trained well, they don’t have willpower. They are advised to get better, train more, whine less because they are not good enough. In society as a marathon, the weaker ones are the ones who can’t adapt and get a DSM diagnosis and pills so they can keep up, fit into the expectations of most. Running fast, achieving a lot, being the best, there’s just way too much yang in the world. I’ve been the one running behind since my puberty slowly, I observe, I think it’s nonsense, I don’t want to go straight to the goal. I want to look around me because there is so much beauty in the world. I look at the crowds with pity and wonder: what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! I look around and see people getting exhausted. I look around and think: I don’t want this, I don’t want to participate in this. I get out of the line and follow a different path and it’s lonely and uncertain. But adapting to the herd also makes me insecure and especially very tired. I still feel lonely and insecure, but I am satisfied with myself.

I have been at home with corona for the past two weeks. Not being able to participate in the rat race of life, I enjoyed it. The imposed rest, feeling my body that is sick and says stop. It has made my head clear. It was also difficult because the ‘duty calls’ and by rejecting people and people’s requests I feel like I’m letting them down. Those requests, chores that were offered, my head said: do, that’s good for you, that’s good for your network, your contacts. I felt burdened to say no. That feeling is in the head, probably it is not even a feeling. My inner feeling cried out from the depths of my being: don’t do it, don’t do it! And then I just got a request from a good friend. Let go , 2 weeks Las Vega and surroundings. In a split second I said yes and two hours later I had booked. Everything in me said Yes! except for my head, because it’s not really wise to do, and financially it can’t really spend so much money to just to have fun and so on and so forth. But I’m going and I’ve also bought a new backpack and I’m intensely happy, all my energy flows again.

I want to write something about how we all want to be seen, heard and recognized for who we are. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the only real universal prima materia. See me, feel me, hear me for who I am. Knowing that everyone has the same desire that is why I am always looking for the good, search for the real person behind the outside look. Everyone is good. No bad people are born, bad people are made by life. Society destroys them, all people are essentially good and can be healed again. That is my deepest conviction. Shiatsu and the Tao taught me how relatively simple that is, and at the same time so terribly complicated.

Are there no people who annoy me? Yes, sure , the prime minister of the Netherlands. My feelings for him come close to disgust, but he also isn’t really a bad guy. He just privileged and doesn’t understand the real world. He is the white privileged man, the 7 ticks man: (1) white, (2) highly educated (3) heterosexual, (4) civilized Dutch speaking, (5) straight man who lives in an (6) elite neighborhood and whose (7) parents are also highly educated. The man who is miles ahead of the rest of society, and has no idea what is really going on in society but is allowed to make important decisions on my everyday living. Is this the archetype that annoys me, or is this just stereotype? They annoy me because they don’t know humility, think that the world is at their feet and that they have achieved it themselves. but that is not the case because they are the sons of the fathers who have exploited capitalism. Not a self-made man but a son lying on his easy chair who is given everything by his fathers. Okay, this is a stereotype but they do exist and are in many high positions in business and politics. These sons are so pampered, they are loved and well cared for and apparently if you are always be seen you lose the need or the ability to see the other people around for what they really are. This non-traumatized white male is our Prime Minister and he makes me angry. (I know there are a lot of traumatized white male but that’s an other complicated story).

By the way, I think we should stop speaking in terms of man/woman, black/white, lower/higher class and so on. That balance is different for everyone, there is no uniform sausage. Yin and Yang are such a great concepts to use for the balance in every person, man/woman and everything in between. Balance is a verb. For example I am very happy with all the people who no longer define themselves in terms of he or she. I think of it it as a development that life on this planet needs. In essence we’re not very different from the fish that change gender whenever the balance is lacking in their group.

Too much yang, lack of yin, that’s my theme this year apparently. The more light we shine, the more blinding everything becomes. It is the diamonds that shines the most in the deep dark when a small light shines on them. I also always wonder why all the people in the world, or at least the one I know, love a campfire so much and I think that’s because here the yin and yang are in balance. There is warmth and is light, there is an opportunity to withdraw, to talk softly with the person next to you, to sing a song together, and to be still and stare at the stars and to dance, laughter out loud. I guess I’m looking for a daily campfire at the end of the day, or at least at the end of my life.

[Ellen Hommel]

Wow !!!! Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Ellen Hommel]

Thank you so much for your reply on my post.

I just discovered that I missed an office hour session. It wasn’t in my agenda, don’t know how it happened, my mistake, I’m sorry.

This pause practice is indeed very helpful for me. For example, this is what happened in my last lab group meeting, when we started to talk about money. I got triggered, noticed it and was able to pick myself up again. I afterwards I wrote a piece about money and what triggered me. I found oud that it all has to do with righteousness, that’s my prima materia. I posted this text in the forum.

This overdoing is a thing, and especially this overdoing things I don’t really want to do. Since writing the reflection I have started to think a lot about what I really need and that gives peace of mind. Cleaning the house, the head and the expectations, that what I did and still do these last couple of weeks.

Now I feel the peace, the clarity and the joy of the summer. Now there is a space created to shape and portray myself as a practitioner. So my next step is to articulate why I feel so much beauty in the combination of Zen-shiatsu and acupuncture, to elucidate the alchemy of it.

And just yesterday evening before I went to sleep, that’s the evening before I read your post, I used black spruce again, while now it felt for me a better time to do it.😀

[Ellen Hommel]

🙏🏽👍🏽 see you tomorrow

[Ellen Hommel]

Thanks you for your responds. I’m patiently waiting for your response 🙂

[Ellen Hommel]

Thank you Benjamin for this extensive responds! As said, I need time and rest/peace, before I can write respond to you (or others) in this mentorship forum.

My time in US indeed was rich. To be in other places is always enriching for me. It liberates me. I wish I could life my daily life with this same feeling as when I travel. One day, when I’m older and wiser I will 🙂

Thanks for your astrological vision, and that what I write about Uranus is exactly what I need: that Uranus emboldens me to take risks to express my authentic self!

[Ellen Hommel]

Thanks Christine. I look forward seeing you tonight (or for you in the morning)

[Ellen Hommel]

Thank you for your responds. Yes this morning-page routine is nice, not only for clearing the mind, but especially to find out what is really underneath all the thoughts spinning around.

[Ellen Hommel]

thank you for your responds !

[Ellen Hommel]

Thanks Kelly, for your reply.

See you saturday!

[Ellen Hommel]

Hi Benjamin,

Thanks for the compliment. And yes, Amsterdam is a lovely city. You both are welcome to visit when possible. I would love to show you around.

To understand the language is not the problem. English is everywhere here in the country. Writing is difficult because I have no idea when I make a mistake and when not, and I don’t want to use google translate for everything. So, hereby I apologize just once for my mistakes. And then I let go. And the other thing is that when I speak I sometimes mis the nuance of what I was intent to say. But anyhow we will see.

Can’t wait to really start.