[Liz Roseman]

Alice – I also really appreciate you using that motor mouth (or motor typing fingers) to share this. And I am one more person chiming in to say I struggle with this too. Like Kari, I notice it more when I am feeling ungrounded due to fatigue/too much caffeine and my fire overtakes my water. Or sometimes I feel like a patient is looking to me to say something (which I recognize is my issue with not being OK w the silence – sometimes.) Lorie – I appreciate the reminder to come back to the felt sense. I also notice if I can get to work a earlier than I usually do and really work on grounding with some oils or potions, it helps. And B – I love that question of how the session can best serve my patient.

Also, Alice – I LOVE what you said about the felt sense practice being like learning an instrument. What a beautiful analogy.

[Liz Roseman]

Thank you Lorie, Tao, and the rest of you in mentorship zoom land who I felt holding space.

I have been engaging with the pause practice, and with turning the phone off a lot more than I was. Do I do it every day? No. But I do it at least half the days. Sometimes it’s at night after work. Sometimes it’s not turning the phone on in the AM. And sometimes it’s having it off for hours as I enjoy the crispness of fall – the smells, the colors, the palpable shift in energies. The beauty of the light at 5pm. I’m trying to be outside as much as possible before it gets too cold.

I took myself off bumble (a dating site) almost two weeks ago. It wasn’t doing me any favors, and I could feel myself getting too obsessive around it, so I shut it down. (Ha, I also don’t need a dating to site to remind me of the shitty dating pool that is Asheville – I can just go outside and look around.) The day I shit it down, I had such an increase in energy. Then a few days later I wondered if I’d made a mistake. Then I felt great about my decision.

I am still flirting with a boy – one specific one – a fellow powerlifter. It’s been interesting to watch myself around this. He’s just began a separation, and I’m curious about my attraction to men who maybe aren’t emotionally available. But we haven’t hooked up, and I have been clear that if we are going to, we will be spending time together first in a non-sexual way. This feels like progress – normally I would just go for the sex and worry about my heart and emotions after. I’m also finding that I do not have to text with him everyday, and it feels OK.

I haven’t made moves on the workshop, but I did put together a small group of women for a full moon yoni steam group ritual last night. My friend, who facilitates steams, led it, but I brought in the astrology piece, and hosted it at my office. It felt really good and made me realize that I enjoy putting groups together and that I am very comfortable in front of them.

I’ve also been reflecting on the fact that I still live in the house that Nate and I shared, including having the couch that we were sitting on when he told me about the affair. I hadn’t really deeply reflected on all of this carrying the energy of our past partnership. I did do clearing rituals right after, but I am very ready to let the house go.

I still feel some sadness, but it doesn’t feel so overwhelming.

Again, thank you all – deep gratitude.

[Liz Roseman]

Babbie – I feel you in navigating the murkiness, feeling that the waters are too thick. I’m jumping in there with you and turning to you to say “We got this” even though neither of us believes it all the time. I definitely feel that my split also allowed me to hold better space for people as their relationships dissolve.

Joanne – Thank you for seeing and being seen. It is so helpful to hear that other struggle w the same feelings. I start to feel alone. “Everyone else is transforming their shit. No one else feels like a failure, impostor, etc.” Even as I type this, I know those voices are total BS, but I don’t know it at the time I’m hearing them. And thank you for the well wishes on the romance. He found out the day before I was leaving for two weeks that he would be being moved to Kentucky for work – the day before I was to return. It’s been challenging to not be mad at the universe, to not feel like my love life is cursed (which I’ve felt like for 7 years). But I am still trudging along, although it feels a little less like trudging today.

Kelli – You are so right – the training was intense, and the focus on the goal was as well. I listened to a Huberman podcast on dopamine and realized that I was having a huge dopamine crash in the weeks after it – the intensity of the workouts after felt like 10% of what I had been used to. And my mental health went to shit.

I laughed at the lost and found box of Tao. Can you tell me where this is? Lol. Your words didn’t sound trite at all – they made me tear up. (Hi there yourself!) Thank you for reminding me that it’s brave and authentic to be in this and admit it. And I’m happy it helped bring you support as well. Hugs received and right back at you.

And B – Thank you for the reminder that we are never that far off our Tao (even though it feels that way).

[Liz Roseman]

Does the feng shui living room redo come with me torching the couch? Haha. I will have to think how I can redo the living room – the house doesn’t have a lot of wall space in the living area. Maybe I just need a new couch cover!

[Liz Roseman]

Thank you Babbie – he actually did honor me not wanting kids, and thought it was OK for him, but he realized it wasn’t OK w him. That’s not the only reason we split, we also grew in different directions. I always appreciate your insight. <3

[Liz Roseman]

And thank you for the love. It was really powerful and I’m excited to hold more group sessions.

[Liz Roseman]

Thank you, BBB – will listen tonight during food prep. And yes, we all have a masculine side and mine has been very front and center my entire life 🤣

[Liz Roseman]

Thanks B – it’s this Friday, and I suspect it will be refreshing and amazing.

[Liz Roseman]

I’m so glad you found this aspect of your life suit to be a good fit and to be of service to your mission. It definitely suits you, and I am grateful for the impact you have in my, and in so many peoples lives. Big love from my heart to yours.

And woooooo, that sounds like an INTENSE 3 days.

[Liz Roseman]

Babbie – you just touched on something I feel is big. Yes, we did speak about having children. I didn’t want them, and he did. I got pregnant twice by him, and had abortions both times. I think there is indeed some uterine healing to do (in addition to the psychological healing).

Interestingly, Nate and his wife Hannah (the woman he cheated on me with) now have two kids. I had an a-ha about it a year ago – I realized that the two spirits who tried to enter through my womb were indeed Nate’s kids, but they were not meant to incarnate through me.

Thank you for the love, Babbie.

[Liz Roseman]

Ahhhh Kelli – thank you so much for your care and offering – AND for allowing yourself to get past your self-limiting thoughts and just do it!

In our group yoni steam last night – Christina had brought some herbs to also do a yoni smoke with – myrrh and copal – but we didn’t get to it. She gifted me some of the herbs, and I intend to add frankincense to the mix and do a steam on Friday, which is my sexiversary (anniversary of the first time I had sex. Yes, I remember the date.) I usually try to have sex w someone who isn’t me on the anniversary, but I am reclaiming the date and spending it with myself. So your moxa suggestion feels resonant with this. And maybe I will moxa my abdomen too. #AllTheSmoke.

I hope you use the inner sensing in your treatment room!

[Liz Roseman]

Thank you, Lorie. I remember it well. It felt like a huge hug was surrounding me and Nate on that day.

Part of my sadness is looking back at the last 7 years and at the times that I didn’t tolerate loneliness and I did settle. Partly bc the fire in me does get lonely, and partly for wanting to believe that people are capable of great change, instead of seeing what is actually in front of me.

[Liz Roseman]

I’m OK. It’s up and down. There was quite a bit of crying up until Friday night, then Saturday I felt a lot better, and today is so-so/decent. I found my mushrooms and am going to start microdosing tomorrow, which I think will be helpful. I’m staying faithful to my daily morning meditation practice. And I’m thinking about doing a program that my friend is doing right now – https://pages.alaeq.com/ – have you heard of it? I was planning on checking out Austin anyway as a place to move to, and the workshops are there. Really I am just in a place of not knowing what the fuck I want to do/where I want to live right now.

I did have a facetime with Will on Thursday night and it was helpful for me to put that to bed. He isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship, nor do I want one with someone long distance.

I’m just trying to maintain, to bear the sadness and the not-knowing and the discomfort and to remember that all is OK even when it feels like shit.

Thank you for checking in, BBB.

[Liz Roseman]

Girl, I am with you! We are so conditioned to get everything now (can’t you just order a dose of “I am receiving” on Amazon Prime?). And then you add in the “I’m doing the god damn work” part of it….. I love that you are noticing that tendency, and sharing that aspect of your humanness with us on here.

I also love that you realized that there was a(nother) block within you to fully receiving. Florence is such a good example of someone transmuting their shit through their music. Check out Lingua Ignota if you want another artist (if you don’t already know her).

Sending love that I hope you will willingly receive. <3

[Liz Roseman]

Yes Benjamin – I was so happy that day to be marrying the man I had been with for 9 years, to be in a place where I did want to spend the rest of my life with him, to have people we love witness it. I got teary even as I read that first paragraph from you. The betrayal fucked my shit up, and still makes me leery of trusting men (as has my tendency to choose men that weren’t’ trustworthy since then.) I can feel my conditioning trying to lead the way with Will, but I am in conscious relationship with it, and am choosing to trust him – since so far, his words and actions are in alignment.

Oh Mars in Virgo – yes, it can be such a relentless voice. I really appreciate your share. I think about how when I first met you and Lorie and I thought “wow – they get along so well, they must never fight.” It is so helpful when you two (and anyone) share the “ugly” parts – the parts we don’t want others to see, but they are parts that make us human as well.

Helping others with spiritual direction is something that you do so naturally, in such an accessible way. I appreciate the reverence you have towards doing it.

Also thank you for the movie recommendation. Samson and I will watch it on our vacation. I’d say I’d watch it with Will tonight, but I’d rather spend hours cuddling and talking before I leave for 2 weeks tomorrow. I like him. : ) You would too.