Kelli Pallansch
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Here I am in winter form reveling in my slow Sunday chock full of tools learned this year: inner sensing then taking action, active imagination with some recurring images (a piece of tartan, new art supplies, soup simmering on the stovetop, the tall tree that fell over across the street this week because rain), hanging out with Palo Santo oil today because it spoke to me as well as a Spinster Sister flower essence blend. I’m also enjoying the stillness of the day, Cat and Betty both stretched out on my legs and I watch their bellies move with breath under the blanket.
This feels like a closure piece to this thread as the mentorship also comes to closure. I marvel at the depth and richness of this year with my prima materia. How it has been incredibly painful and yet there was such ease. Such a drastic change in my relationship to self, trust, abundance, community, ancestry, ritual, perception, path, the speed of growth and progress. Receiving still tricky at times, but holy wow the amount of messages, knowledge, wisdom, answers I have received! They have shaped me so much. That devastation very occasionally will leap out of my chest and I’ve learned how to shift to it, to sit in my throne just underneath it (Frankincense showed me my inner throne/ self-sovereignty) and let it sit in my lap for as long as it needs.
My most surprising outcome of this year is the shift in my work, much fueled by this mentorship. I am also now in a death doula mentorship defining and building out this service to my acupuncture practice. A return to hospice work was something I have been wanting to do for a few years now. What surprised me is the realization that I also want to work with the bereaved. While death and dying and palliative care have all been very normalized in my life and comfortable for me, this was not at all the case with grief. The stoic midwestern lot of my youth (and my lot now!) never talked about grief or what to do with loss, never grieved in front of anyone, and their reactions to my reaction to loss made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I have really taken to fumbling my way through my understanding of grief and continue to fine tune my own weekly grieving ritual / process (decidedly a part of being a death doula).
I am putting together a workshop on grief now and am amazed at the flood of ideas. Alongside this, I know I know very little myself. I have never felt so okay with not knowing. I don’t have the answers and don’t need to have them all. This is a ginormous shift from the pressure I usually put on myself when seeing patients. I take it as another much needed and welcome shift that has happened over the past year. (Seriously I cannot list them all!)
Side note: I am more than happy to receive additional resources around death/ dying/ grieving, particularly in the realm of this mentorship.
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Hi @Lorianne! I’m editing this post as I just figured out where to find the December office hours. Thank you for all of your help!
Thank you!!
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How lucky am I to stumble back here to find this reflection of the yi. I am delving more into late summer readings now that I am finally noticing it in some San Francisco days. Such a gorgeous reflection, Christine. Thank you for sharing and opening me up to this idea. I am working a lot with death right now so this is such a lovely prompt for me to revisit it from this angle. So good.
Lauren and Benjamin, your responses are grounding, adding layers , enriching.
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Christine! I’m in this forum right now just to start mining your posts past to dig into your poetry. I love how you brought this form to your experience with the mentorship and then share it with all of us.
I like the quotation you use here. So good spliced in. And how you write about your experience under the tree then shared a picture of the tree! And your word choice. I am going to keep reading this one, sit on it, then go find your other words. Thank you so much for these shares!
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Alice, what an amazing experience. I am struck by how you were able to put yourself aside and just do the thing that the patient needed. And what an incredible response she had! I tend to feel not ready enough or knowledgeable enough so this share is reassuring to me
Thank you for also naming the anxiety you felt and recognized as not yours. I’m taking in all those tips Lorie mentioned. I have long used frankincense on my spiritual bracelets as protection without really knowing why – it just felt good.
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Judy, I just saw the picture of the three red birds and now this mirror. I love your garden pictures and that you are open to sharing it with others.
I recently was looking at Morning Altars and how people build and create impermanent art in nature. I like how you are incorporating art in your garden too, which while more permanent seems to be a fluid creation for you. Your garden snapshots look like altars to me. So lovely. Thank you for sharing!
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Kari, this post resonates so much with me. I was just on a road trip and drove through Avenue of the Giants – something I’ve wanted to do for YEARS. I learned a lot about the ancient – and really ANCIENT – redwoods like you state but didn’t think of it as resiliency! That’s so powerful. I also liked learning how their roots don’t grow very deep, which is why they are prone to fall, so they reach out and essentially intertwine with neighboring redwoods – really like holding hands – so they all support each other.
Thank you for sharing your experience – why you sought out then just were with the redwoods. Such gorgeous pictures. I’ll have to check out the park you mentioned – never been!
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I’m here to post a little update and am very much appreciating that I’ve kept this in one thread reminding me of this journey that seems so long and slow, but seeing it here my mind is blown at how far I’ve come in a short time!</div>I got back a week ago from a long road trip down the Oregon coast (which is why I missed out on all our live sessions). The purpose of the trip was a small family reunion in Cannon Beach to spread my grandparents ashes, which my girlfriend and I decided to turn into a slow meandering road trip back home.
I was able to work on my piece about receiving presence and wisdom from nature by using inner felt sensing! I was able to ASK then receive a response, which was new to me, to be able to interact like that. I connected to the ocean, felt her sloooooow presence wash up my legs like waves in greeting, felt the complexity and depth of calm to violence in her being, and learned about how we mutually benefit from each other’s presence, all about giving and receiving.
The sand on the beach was exuberant and chatty and told how a lifetime of turmoil is actually something to rejoice in.
The rocks… didn’t have anything to say or weren’t interested in connecting to me and that made me love them in their own way.
We drove through the Avenue of the Giants on our way back and I found an ancient redwood tree that wanted to hold me, so I leaned against it and cried. The redwood showed me their guiding nature and how I am part of their forest.
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The giant silent rocks.
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WOW, Erin, thank you for your generous offer to chat with me more about this! There is definitely a pull towards the teens and those specific struggles. It scares me a little, which means it’s a call. I will sit with this and definitely reach out to you to chat more. How exciting!
Babbie, wow, thank you for such a thoughtful range of books to reference. There is a lot that speaks to me here too, and even reading how you’ve explained each resource is getting my wheels turning and thinking about all the different ways we can be supporting kids of all ages. I look forward to delving into these. Thank you for being such a lovely guide here!
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I just watched the class and read this post last night. First, Liz, thank you so much for sharing a very relatable experience. Your share and the way Lorie was engaging you has helped me look at my own things in a different way. I look forward to delving into that myself more.
I’ve been so curious about using inner sensing/ body felt sense in the treatment room, so I really appreciated this interaction and now reading more details about Lorie’s experience. This encouraged me to set aside my doubt of doing it right and instead trust what comes up for me. So here is me using this as an opportunity to try inner felt sensing on the whole process:
I started inner sensing by asking where am I with this person, like what location are we at (per Lorie). I got cold, dark water. When I asked what that needed, I went straight to Spleen and eating in a way to warm and dry the Spleen just a bit. I asked if there was anything else that needed to be seen or needed anything, and I got uterus. There was this idea of Liz at home relaxing with a heat pack on her lower belly. Nothing else came to me, so I went to treatment. I was scanning the body in my mind and these points jumped out at me: SP9, KID7, GB37-39 area, then four doors and lots of moxa over the uterus, like a moxa box and red glowing heat lamps. I was so drawn to putting heat below the Dan Tian, and also the ankles, like Liz should wear anklets or socks with bands around the ankles as a way to make that area feel supported.
Such as interesting result for me. I would not have gone to Spleen or uterus or those points otherwise. I only used a moxa box once at school and I was so nervous the whole time that I was going to burn the person. And am I really going to recommend a patient wear ankle jewelry or socks? I also thought about the golden keys and I’m trying to recall wasn’t Liz touching her face? I realized it would be interesting to note where a patient might touch their face or if they hold part of their body while they are sharing, like what organ or meridian is that related to.
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Thank you, Lorie. Just reading your question made me remember that the blue bindle is often present when I’m doing deep inner work. Like well here we go down this dark path swinging a latern with my blue bindle and let’s see what we come across. Maybe it’s keeping it lighthearted like a little joke. I’m not sure but I love that you asked because it immediately changed it for me (even though I am only now responding many weeks later!).
I’d love to hear your thoughts too!
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Nicole, thank you for cheering me on a little. I love that!
I’m suprised how remote craniosacral work has worked for me. I find my body responding in the same ways that it does when receiving direct craniosacral work (deep relaxed state, belly gurgling, free flowing of energy down my back. The main difference is we are talking the whole time, so even though I’m relaxed, I’m not falling asleep or drifting off like I would in a direct session. If you are at all curious, I highly recommend reaching out to her directly for a chat. She has such a sweet and supportive presence.
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@benjamin@anewpossibility.com Saying thank you for this post does not do justice to the impact it has had on me. I don’t know what else to say about it, even the fact that you were reading something and thought to send it to me. I’m receiving all of it and letting it in beyond just the message itself.
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@LorieEveDechar Thank you for these beautiful reminders. I’m slowly taking all of this in, especially the image of being in the hands of The Dark Goddess. So good.